Oh, pullease don’t get me started.
Powerless and Christianity are just two words that do not mix, and should not even be heard in conjunction with one another.
How can one profess Christianity and be powerless? Our power, however much we’re trusting God to give us, is straight from the Lord and is His power within us. How can a Christian be powerless?
Lack of trust.
Too willing to charge head long into the fray…….in your own power.
“I can do it, I don’t need anyone else,” we are eager to declare. People actually believe that they have to do everything in their own power, and on their own. Ridiculous. God made His children, His church…..we are all a part of the body of Gods church, we’re here for each other. When one part is weak, the other is strong. We help to hold each other up. That’s part of the whole gig. Yet, there are those who feel that if they have to depend on someone else, then they are perceived as being weak. Nonsense. God never made us to go through life on our own.
But people persist in wanting to be strong, in themselves. Whatever for, when you have full access to an Omnipotent God? People are flawed, strength ebbs and flows. Bodies fail. Emotions fail. God never fails. So why not tap into the power He has for you. It’s the ultimate win-win situation.
But, I digress…this all began when I was crying out to God, early in this renewed walk with Him, and I was praying for Terry, my mate….a fervent, vocal prayer if there ever was one, and I’m positive I may have equaled some of David’s pleadings from very long ago. But, I was put in a position of not being able to do anything. I couldn’t see my mate, I couldn’t talk to my mate. He would have nothing to do with me, and in fact, he’d moved 2,000 miles away, and shut me out completely. I couldn’t run into him at Wal-Mart, or the gas station, we couldn’t get together to talk over lunch. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Bupkis. Nothing. In short, it sucked. Now I wasn’t used to this, and I didn’t llike it. I’m an ‘in your face’ sort….let’s talk about it, let’s fix it, let’s get’er done. Bim-bam-boom, no worries. Huzzah, all is taken care of.
I liked leading, and my spouse didn’t know how to lead. This was a bad situation. Us both falling away from God, didn’t help matters any. Our getting caught up in the ways of the world, also didn’t help. Once sin and self climbs in through the window, or the television, or books, or the internet….with armor in a state of bad repair….it was only a matter of time until something gave. A house of cards can only endure just so much and then it crumbles. Our marriage was no different and we were too self-absorbed, and focused on the here and now, to see what was coming down the road.
I was never in control. Not really. Oh, I thought so, sure. Just like I’m sure Terry believed he was in control when he decided to walk out and divorce me. He was deceived by the greatest liar known to mankind, satan. He believed he was doing the will of God and if not, he told me all he had to do was pray and ask God to forgive him. Well, yes….God would forgive him, and he was willing to risk the consequences of such action.
Truth is, judgment day may not be as far in the future as some of us would like to think. It may be in this lifetime, and like those side-view mirrors on your car state: May be closer than you think. Add to this mess, that we were not attending church. We’d been cut from the herd. Satan’s #1 plan of attack. Any predator knows that your easiest score for dinner is to not take on the whole, but to cut a weak, or sickly member from the herd.
There was no going back to church for my mate, as he said, “I don’t need to be preached to.” So, though I wanted to get back into church, I stayed home. There was also no getting counseling for him either, as he said, “I don’t want someone getting into my head.” He took ‘control’, and walked away. Sin, and self. Deception. Truth is, he didn’t want to put himself into a position where he might be told that what he was doing and planning was not right. Was not God-inspired, as it were. Not wanting to feel guilt, or have his fun and plans thwarted by God, he simply avoided God. Or so he thought.
So, now…..being out of control of the situation was just simply unacceptable to me. I didn’t like it and I told God about it plenty. I’m sure He listened, and with a sincere roll of the eyes, He declared, “Let the chastising begin.”
But, I digress. So now….here I was, alone….in despair. Rock bottom…..I called the churches counselor….I needed someone to talk to, and fast. He said that he couldn’t see me because I couldn’t afford the $35.00 fee he charged, and reminded me that he does counseling for a business, and referred me to County Mental Health. I was so low, how low was I? I called them. I was at a loss, I needed someone to talk to me and help me…and now. Little did I know that He was right there the whole time, waiting for me to notice Him.
The phone at County Mental Health rang and rang and rang, and never was answered. So much for County resources, right?
Perhaps it was a blessing. For once I’d used up all my options, I decided to call on God. The best usually seems to be the last thing we turn to, right?
But I wasn’t ready just yet. Now I was lost, and in deep despair, I wasn’t in control of the situation anymore. It had all been taken away, taken out of my hands. I didn’t know how to deal with this. I didn’t like it. How could people do this….to the PRINCESS?!
I was appalled. The church counselor wouldn’t help, County was totally useless…no one’s available to talk too, all I can do is leave voice mail messages, and darn it….that’s not good enough! I was angry and frustrated……….and to top it all off, I don’t even drink! Why Lord, why…is this happening to me!? All too soon, like a tea pot left too long on a hot stove, I threw myself onto the bed, kicked my feet, beat my fists against the pillows and wailed. What a sight. The Lord, and my guardian angels probably stood about the bed, casting furtive glances at each other and wondering when I’d ‘get over myself’.
He knew. It wouldn’t be long now.
Suddenly, my petulant, kindergarten display ended when I heard myself, and realized what I was doing. Slowly, I sat up, eyes red, tear-stained cheeks, sniffling and out of breath, pitiful and pathetic. Saddened. Jesus sat beside me, put His arm around my shoulders, and now I cried again, but it was different this time. His love touched my heart. I felt His presence. It was tears of sorrow and surrender. I was a family, now I was one. I missed my husband. Yes, I was still angry, but God was working that out in me, but I never stopped loving my husband, never stopped missing him. Never stopped wishing he was here and that I could help make it all better. But, I can’t. Some things we just can’t fix. Some things, like Terry and I, have to be fixed individually, at the hands of God. We have to take all of our mess within us and duke it out with God, each in our own way, each in His time.
What are you willing to lay down today?
What baggage do you no longer need to lug around?
Write each item down, and place it at the Cross.
My church at the time had a ‘thing’ where you could take a note or a picture of someone you loved and was missing in your life in some way, and walk down front and lay it at the base of the cross on stage. I had Terrys picture, but I couldn’t make the walk. I sat there, in the darkened sanctuary, trying not to cry, wiping an errant tear that insisted on flowing. As the pastor prayed, suddenly there was a strong hand place upon my shoulder, and it stayed there for the duration of the prayer. Some wonderful young man, I do not know…..saw my pain, and reached out. I put my hand upon his, and gently patted it, “thank you”. Later, after the service, we hugged. I never saw him again, but what a blessing, what a mark his kindness left on my heart. I placed Terry at the cross in my own way, in my heart. Please Jesus…..
Turn it over to the One who repairs broken hearts, and restores broken lives.
I am a child of God, but I had strayed and strayed bad. My heart needed to be broken all over again for what breaks His. I needed to start seeing outside of myself. Being selfish and self-absorbed, I would be of no use to Him at all. He had to break me of it. Indeed, He was.
So, long story short….yeah, I know….one night I was praying, one of those vocal, fervent types, and my hands having been tied by God and having been taken completely out of the marriage situation, and realizing painfully so that I could do nothing to fix anyone, or anything. It was just God and me. I cried out: “But Lord! The ONLY thing I can do is PRAY!”
“Ahhh,” He sighed, “finally…she’s getting it.”
Prayer is the most powerful thing we can do.