Today, because of verses I’ve been led to of late….I wrote the following to my brother in Christ, Pastor Randy….an Awesome Dude of God, if there ever was one….
Since you are aware of my divorce, and my diligence in ‘standing’
for the resurrection of my marriage, and the healing of my husband,
even as I have been transformed by the Lords healing hand……I have
a question for you (because no matter where I attend church, you
are The Bro To Ask.) See? You have a reputation. ; )
If I were to stop ‘standing’, basically give up on his ever coming to his
senses and coming home….would that be giving up on God?
To me….it seems that if I stop standing for Gods healing then that’s the
same as throwing in the towel on God, and where’s the faith in that?
The Word says, if we faint not…..but endure and run the race, that we will
reap the reward.
What of us who get tired of waiting for something good to happen, for our
“sudden” break-through? Does that mean that I would ‘disappoint’ my Lord? Would it mean just another ‘trip around the same ol mountain’ again?
Terry’s been gone nearly 4 yrs, and remarried for 2.5 yrs, and even though there is zero contact, he just gets more and more mean (he recently took me back to court to have alimony reduced and THEY DID IT FOR HIM. Cut by 75%. He claims ‘financial hardship’ that’s why he never has to actually show up, even though they’re buying their home, has a near new car, dual incomes, and 6 computers. What does anyone need with SIX computers? But…..you know, financial hardship. So, now I’m barely scraping by, but GOD is my provision and my all. So…..so there, Terry!
BUT……still I cling to God and the Word and promises of God, and what of those songs we sing every Sunday morning? Are they just words, or heartfelt worship?
Just wishing/praying I knew what the right thing to do is. Bro Randy, it wasn’t supposed to be like this…..but I just thought this morning….egad, what if I’m ‘hanging onto” God for a miracle when what my problem really is ….is that I was with Terry my entire adult life…..33 yrs is no short amount of time…..what if I’m hanging on because of sentimentality?
To be honest, I like my life. I’m so blessed, God and I are just awesome together.
So, am I standing firm….because of sentiment, or because he’s supposed to be home, or because it’s what God wants me to do. Good question ain’t it. Frankly, I’d just as soon say to heck with him, and waltz off into the sunset with Jesus. Hands down! The most awesome husband goin, is my Jesus! I love this peacefulness.
I just don’t want to give up on God, and yes, I’ve asked and asked and asked. What I really need is angelic visitation. But so far, He’s not seen fit to accomodate that request. ; )
Hugs in Jesus,
Barbi Buttercup (Bro Randys nickname for me.)