Well, here we are, goin ‘round that same ol mountain again. No matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I beg the Lord that He take this cup from me….the desire of my heart remains:
That He heal my husband and bring him home again.
I have tried so hard to run (egad, like Jonah and Tarshish?) and have pleaded with the Lord to take this from me and let me just live: Him and I together, perfect. And still He says, “Never Give Up.”
So, again…..I go to my knees and beseech the Lord for answers. Dog-gone-it I want my ‘suddenly’, and I want it NOW! Hmmm, don’t think that angle of attack will work too well with our Heavenly Father. Kinda like saying, “I want patience! And I want it NOW!” Not the best thing to say, ever.
So, I pray. Wait, and pray. The most powerful things I can do is to relinquish my beloved husband into the arms of God…..place him at the cross, and pray. I’ve only, merely invoked the power and promises of the Sovereign Creator of all things ever! Hey, I mean business, and I went straight to the top with this issue!
My problem is that I want my ‘suddenly’ and I want it now. It’s over-due. My husband walked away four years ago yesterday. So I complain….I mean, pray…..and ‘explain’ to God that isn’t FOUR YEARS enough? Or rather, I believe I put it this way, “God, four years IS long enough!” Hmmm, also not a good angle of attack to use with an all powerful, yet totally loving….GOD.
Growing frustrated, I signed up for yet another online dating service. I mean there’s no one anywhere…..there must be one Godly Christian man, single and the right age on this planet? Right? Of course. Geez…..so it’s a free site, goodness knows I can’t afford the one’s that require moolah be exchanged. Yeehaw! This will be the one! This is the right time! Wait. Nothing? Nothings happening? How can an online dating website that proclaims 10,000 members……..yet not have ONE, just one for me? “Lord….!” I begin to ‘pray’ and then cease and desist, temporarily.
Sorry, can’t do it, can’t pursue someone else, when the one I’m supposed to be with, according to the Will of God, is still kickin around this planet. Nothings changed. FOUR years….YEARS and nothings changed. I still can’t do it, or is it that God doesn’t want it? Maybe, I’m not so stubborn after all. Surely God could orchestrate the circumstances of my life to bring that one Godly Christian man into my life! “I’m ready, Lord! Let’s do it!” And He says, “NOT!”
Hey folks, this ain’t my problem, it’s God! Ack, now I’m blaming Him. Note to self: Remember to ask God to forgive me for this later tonight.
Nothing is happening that God doesn’t want to happen. And if that little fact frustrates me then that’s just tough noogies on me.
So I read testimonies from other Standers:
“Praise God, I did not give up on my spouse. God wouldn’t let me even though almost daily I begged Him to give me permission to let go.”
Well, doesn’t THAT sound familiar…and:
“When everyone else said to get over it and move on, you encouraged me and led me to the trust in the Lord.”
Oh my gosh, trust? In the …. Lord? What kind of advice is that?
And then I think, Dang it, where’d this FAITH come from, and not only that but the TENACITY?
The Holy Spirit. You see, God wants to do something in and through my life. Something that’s important to Him. Only He knows the whys and wherefores, at this time. But all that I should be doing isn’t complaining, but praising His name. Who am I that He should choose me to bring glory to His Name? Just me and Gideon, I guess. Thank you, Lord.
“I am once again filled with hope and expectancy for the day my husband will ‘come to the end of himself and return to his father’s house from the far country.”
That pretty much sums it up, and me….never having been very good at math. But I CAN add, and according to the Word of God:
1 + 1 = 2……and the two shall become one. It all hinges on the Word of God, His Will and His Promises. Hitch your wagon to the Word. He will not, cannot let you down, ever.